


Can't Sleep Love

by seungsols



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-05-04 22:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5351429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seungsols/pseuds/seungsols
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” —  Dr. Seuss</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Movies on a Late Night are Gettin' Old

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of mental disorders, suicide, etc.  
> (First chaptered work! Woo!)

It’s true, most who cannot soundly slumber are probably caught up with the hustle and bustle of the demands of reality. The tossing, the turning. The constant pulling up the blanket close enough so that it reaches one’s chin, back down to where it lies at the waist, or sprawled over only one leg as the other rests in the cold where it balance’s out the body temperature.

Everything just builds up.

Lee Jihoon would say he would be on the same boat from the stress and deadlines, not to mention occasional drama outbursts, weighed upon his shoulders.

Except he isn’t.

 

At all.

 

Jihoon loves sleeping.

In fact, if he could consider it a sport, he’d probably make it past regionals and make it to the international level to compete in the sleeping olympics.

It was common for a composition major to have a ludicrous sleeping schedule, constantly receiving projects continuously throughout the semester with little to no time to compose because of other classes and extracurriculars. What many of his department peers struggled with, Jihoon handled with ease.

He ate, slept, and breathed music for a majority of his day, the minority being dedicated to sleep as he mostly rested on the small, black couch the university provided inn each personal music studio students were assigned. Rarely did he even set foot in his shared space with Jisoo, another music department student, who frequently sent him texts to make sure he was at least getting some shut eye. That was no problem for Jihoon.

“How do you do it?” Jisoo asked during one of their guitar session recordings.

“Do what?”

“Sleep! You write so much, yet you manage to get more sleep than everyone else. What’s your secret?”

Jihoon shrugged. “I don’t know.”

They continued their recording, constantly listening to the section they just recorded, scraping it, and rerecording. It’s an unending process that was tiring.

Jisoo passed out on Jihoon’s couch, covered in the fleecy grey that Jihoon kept underneath for when he stayed at the studio. The younger was still editing the composition the two had been rearranging all night, realizing how late it was. It was no bother though, he already took five naps prior.

Plus, as an adaptive trait he acquired from the university, he trained himself to sleep anywhere in any position, including on the computer chair at his work desk while leaning back, head tilted downward like the cap covering his bangs in his face.

–

“Isn’t that uncomfortable, Ji?” Seungcheol asked as they were at lunch together with their friends.

“I’m telling you,” Jisoo spoke with his mouth full of the fried chicken he had purchased earlier, “he’s magic! He can sleep anywhere, anytime!”

Jihoon nodded in agreement as he lifted his spoon up and blew over his kimchi stew.  _Reality is uncomfortable to begin with, nothing magical about it._

Truth was, Jihoon was probably aware of why he was able to sleep so easily. He was just in denial as to why.

While he does have an amazing career path, friend who would stick with him through thick and thin, and an optimistic outlook on life, he hated reality.

He wasn’t so sure why he did, it was probably the endless amount of existential crises he’s had at three in the morning over the past few years, but he just found his dreams more entertaining.

There was something about fantasy that interested him, something that he was unable to grasp from reality.

Which is why his composition professor extolled him frequently on his work, saying they were “otherwordly” or “transcendental.” Whatever the compliment may be, Jihoon took it to heart. 

He was always able to find inspiration from anything other than reality because he understood that reality didn’t have anything to offer to him.

–

After finals for the semester, it was a sigh of relief as Jihoon and his friends were able to do whatever they wanted, which included endless move marathons at Jihoon and Jisoo’s shared apartment.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol usually drove just before five in the evening so that all four of them could prepare supper together as the younger ones start arriving later.

It was a simple and comforting habitual that Jihoon grew used to.

Too used to, actually.

To the point where he saw it more as a routine than quality bonding time with his friends.

Jihoon realized he was inattentive to real world phenomenon.

This resulted in him going straight to bed after he helped Jisoo clean the dishes as the others began to start their movie.

“Is hyung alright?” Seungkwan, asked, placing the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table as everyone found a seat and squeezed together in their cramped living room.

“Beats me,” Jisoo shrugged.

“Are you sure he’s okay though?” Seokmin, asked, stuffing his face with popcorn, Seungcheol making him yelp as he scolded him not to eat so much.

Again, Jisoo shrugged. He wasn’t entirely sure what was going through Jihoon’s mind and why he always sluggishly walked straight to his bedroom to catch some shut eye.

“Hyung, that’s concerning,” Hansol, psychology major, pouted. “You should ask him if he’s alright. Maybe have him checked by a professional if it’s that bad.”

–

“Everything alright, Hoon?” Jisoo asked one day the two were in the kitchen eating breakfast at the counter.

“Yeah. Why?”

Jisoo scratched his bed head of unkempt hair. “Well.. it’s just.. you’ve been sleeping a lot lately.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Jihoon raised an eyebrow as he put his bowl of rice in the sink. “I usually sleep this much anyway.”  _You’ve been my roommate for how long?_

His roommate grunted, seeing Jihoon having a point. Jisoo stood up and mimicked Jihoon’s action, wiping up the counter afterwards. “Well, the semester is over. I thought you did to catch up on sleep that you’ve been missing because of composing.”

“I guess I grew used to it,” Jihoon smugged his lower lip.  _Used to the fact that any form of escape from reality, including sleep, was better than actuality._

Being the type of friend that Jisoo was, he searched up online as to what may be Jihoon’s problem.

“Jihoon you’re a sociopath!”

“I’m a.. what?” Jihoon looked up baffled as Jisoo sat next to him on the couch, handing him printed articles from online sources. “Hyung, I barely fit these traits…”

Jisoo pouted. “Oh…” He took the papers back and organized them. “Sorry for thinking you were insane.”

“Well, I’m not insane, hyung.”  _You might be, though._

“Everyone’s just worried about you.”

“Me? Why? I still hang out with all of them.”

“But your sleep–”

Jihoon sighed. “Again with the sleep? I’m starting to think you all are obsessed with my sleeping patterns.”

There was no way to describe his own concern to his roommate. Jisoo was stuck in a rut.

 

“Maybe hyung can talk to my professor,” Hansol suggested. “She is a psychiatrist after all.”

 

After much convincing and planning, Jihoon went along with his friends’ plan.

Hansol’s professor was the first person Jihoon admitted his dislike of reality to.

“It’s normal to abhor reality.”

“I rather ignore it altogether, really.”

It was concerning, especially the fact of Jihoon’s sleeping pattern.

 

“D-depression?” Jisoo asked, somewhat alarmed, somewhat unsurprised. 

“He isn’t diagnosed, but it is something to be aware of with his sleeping problem,” she, Hansol’s professor, confirmed. “Maybe keep a close eye on him to see if anything changes.”

The only one who seemed completely shocked after revealing it to everyone was Jihoon himself. It wasn’t that he hated his existence, he just loathed the world in which he resided.

 

As much as Jisoo tried to help, offering to go out with him for lunch or dinner to get some fresh air, spending more time with him, Jihoon still felt the same.

That was until the start of a new semester when he met Kwon Soonyoung. And the smile that Jihoon saw when he was introduced to Soonyoung stuck in his mind, to the point where it kept him up at night.


	2. I'm Not in the World You're in

The start of a new semester, Jihoon didn’t expect much out of his first few classes. They were mostly in the music department anyway, his home away from home. Or rather, ‘I might as well make it homey since I’m gonna be here for a majority of my life’ home.

He still had a few general education required courses he needed to pass to earn his degree though. One of which was Astronomy.

Jihoon figured it’d be the perfect class for him: he’d be able to get credit while laying in a dimly lit room, looking up at the planetarium dome, where nobody, not even his professor, would be able to call him out for sleeping in class.

 

“Are you sure you want to take Astronomy?” Jisoo asked, checking over Jihoon’s course scheule, consisting of mostly composition classes, omit the one gen ed.

“Why wouldn’t I, hyung?”  _Just let me be._

“Well, I took that class first semester my first year,” he said as he handed back his younger friend’s laptop, turning it back around, “the exams were no joke.”

“I’m good at test taking though.”

Jisoo shrugged. “Then I guess the class will be perfect for you.”

 

Most students, much like Jisoo, are unable to sleep as the first day of classes rolled around. Jihoon, of course, had no trouble. In fact, he slept in his studio since he figured he needed to go over a few compositions that would be due in two weeks. He was back to his routine of working and sleeping.

 

He met Kwon Soonyoung in Astronomy, the tall, blond, obnoxious kid who he had the privilege to sit next to.

“I’m Soonyoung! Kwon Soonyoung!”

 _I’m leaving._  “Jihoon. Lee Jihoon.”

“Are you a first year?”

“Third year.”

“Oh! So am I! What’s your major?”

“Music. Concentration in composition.”  _With a minor in sleeping._

Soonyoung gasped. “That’s so cool! Wow, you must be really talented,” he grinned. “I’m in the music department too! Except, I’m a dance performance major.”

Jihoon didn’t really look at Soonyoung’s direction as he spoke, feeling a bit guilty so he surrendered and turned to actually gaze at the enthusiastic one, and he could have sworn he felt all the kinetic energy around him freeze.

At first sight, Soonyoung seems like the typical dance major, athleticwear, a pair of bright, blindingly bright, running shoes, with flannel tied around his waist. Someone Jihoon wouldn’t mind socking if he were in high school (but he’s in university now, times have changed).

But looking up at Soonyoung’s facial expression, the blond’s radiant, beaming smile practically lighting up the dimly lit room, Jihoon felt a tug at his heart.

It wasn’t long before they were dismissed by their professor, Jihoon waved to Soonyoung as he caught up with another dance team member, introducing himself to Jihoon as Junhui, an exchange student. Jihoon walked back to his studio, looking straight onto the horizon, unusual from his usual gaze at the ground.

He fell asleep at the studio, waking up in surprise as he saw Soonyoung and his smile in his dreams.

 

Not only did he have Monday, Wednesday, Friday classes with Soonyoung in Astronomy, he also had the same downtime and stayed at the same location.

“Do you usually stay here?” Soonyoung asked, pulling up a chair to Jihoon’s table. Jihoon usually doesn’t like it when people invite themselves, but he made an exception today.

“I’ve been going here since last year.”

“Oh, what! Really? So have I!” Soonyoung beamed, opening the bowl of jjamppong he had just heated up. 

He broke his chopsticks and began stirring it, looking up at Jihoon’s jjajangmyeon he had begun slurping.

“Do you live on campus?” Soonyoung asked, mouth full of noodles, the broth dripping down the noodles he was trying to slurp into his mouth.

Jihoon wiped his mouth, folding the napkin and placing it back on the table as he nodded.  _Gosh, he’s messy._

“Ah, that’s cool. I commute, which is a pain.”

“How long?”

“Thirty minutes. Maybe an hour and a half with traffic.”

“That sucks.” Jihoon watched as Soonyoung nodded and kept slurping his noodles, exhaling as he took it in, not wiping his mouth in the process. 

 _Damn it._  

He grabbed an extra set of napkins from his bag, tossing it over to Soonyoung. “Here.”

Soonyoung looked up. “Oh, thanks!” He rested his chopsticks at the sides of the bowl, wiping his mouth and hands with the napkins. 

 

They kept talking. A few minutes quickly transitioned to two hours, both discussing their future plans with their degrees.

“Maybe you can write the songs and I can make choreography for it! Like a tag team!”

Jihoon’s mouth crept up into a small smile. “That sounds fun.”

 

Two hours turned into a weekly Tuesday and Thursday lunch date, both bringing lunches, Jihoon’s from the food court on campus, Soonyoung’s from his house, meeting at the exact spot at the usual time.

“You sleep a lot?”

“It’s like a hobby, almost,” Jihoon admitted, a bit ashamed at how lethargic he sounded.

“That’s amazing!” the taller exclaimed, catching Jihoon by surprise, tilting his head dumbfoundedly. “I mean… you’re a composition major, most people in that major are lucky to get even an hour of shut eye! But you,” he giggled, nudging Jihoon with his ankle under the table, “you’re a composing genius and you get  _plenty_  of sleep!”

Jihoon wasn’t sure if what was being said was a compliment or not, but needless to say, he felt his cheeks bake red.

 

That’s when Jihoon learned that Soonyoung, too, loved dreaming just as much as Jihoon.

“Would you say you like it more than… say… reality?”

Soonyoung shook his head. “I think I like both equally.” He leaned back in his chair, tossing his arm off of the back, dangling it leisurely. “Dreaming is great, seeing the impossible happen.. but.. I don’t know.. there’s something beautiful about reality too..” he share a gaze with Jihoon before he smiled. “Does that make sense.

That smile. Jihoon couldn’t help but shyly reciprocate it back. “I think so.”

“Ah, sorry, I’m pretty scatterbrained.”

“Don’t be. It seems nice.”  _As nice as your smile._

“Oh, Jihoon?” Jisoo asked, coming into the kitchen of their apartment.

He waved at his older friend, swirling the spoon in the mug of coffee, a caffeinated beverage he has never drunken, and probably won’t ever drink again. “You drink this stuff on a nightly basis?”

Jisoo pushed his glasses up. “Oh, the coffee? Yeah, it keeps me awake when I write.” He blinked before he processed what was happening. “Hey, wait– you said you were going to stay at the studio tonight.”

“That was the plan,” Jihoon sighed, putting the spoon in his mouth, shuddering as the taste stuck to his tongue.”

“Oh, well… did you just get here? You usually go straight to bed when–”

“Hyung, I can’t sleep,” Jihoon confessed.”

There was a moment of silence, Jisoo not believing what he was hearing, Jihoon sitting there and feeling extremely awkward.

“I’m sorry, I thought you said–”

“I can’t sleep, hyung.”


	3. Am I Not the Loving Kind?

Jihoon kept telling himself that he did not, not at all, had feelings for Soonyoung.

It was three o’clock in the morning when Jihoon asked if Jisoo could take a walk with him around campus. They walked side by side on the sidewalk, Jisoo anxiously checking around to make sure nobody is following them or watching them from afar. 

“Hyung, relax,” Jihoon sighed, shoving his hands in his pocket again as he rolled his shoulders back. “I’ve done this before?”

“This late?” Jisoo asked in disbelief only to get a silent head nod from his younger friend. He sighed, trying to calm himself down and copied Jihoon’s actions. “So... you’ve been unable to sleep huh?”

“Yeah...”

Silence filled the air. Jihoon is used to silence, ironic since he’s a music major, but he was never bothered by it. Not like Jisoo was. “Um... have you been going to that therapist?”

“I haven’t seen her since that first meeting.”

“Jihoon...”

“She’s not gonna help me, hyung,” Jihoon admitted as he shifted his gaze from the concrete beneath him to the horizon in front of him. “I’m not depressed...”

Jisoo opened his mouth but shut it quickly and let out a soft sigh. “Well, alright... I’m just worried about you. Your sleep schedule went a complete one-eighty on me and now you’re up late in front of your computer ruining your eyes and taking dangerous walks at ungodly hours on campus-”

“Hyung-”

“I know! I’m rambling!” Jisoo groaned. “I can’t help it... I’m trying to help out my dongsaeng but I have no idea how to...” 

The atmosphere was cleared again and the awkwardness dawned upon Jisoo who whined at himself. Jihoon took a deep breath. “S-so... um... how are your classes?”

“I think I have a crush on someone.”

Jisoo yelped, causing Jihoon to stop in his tracks and turn to see his hyung covering his mouth and looking at him with wide eyes. “Y-you? You have a crush?” Jisoo looked around cautiously. “I’m not on some hidden camera show, am I?”

“Hyung-”

“Sorry, sorry, that really caught me off guard.” Jisoo managed to calm down as they sat down at a nearby bench. Jihoon continued to look at his feet as Jisoo spoke softly. “Well, you don’t need to tell me who they are or how much you like them. I just want to tell you that I’m here for you, okay?”

“Thanks hyung. It means a lot.”

 

\--

 

“You’re in such denial,” Seungcheol snickered to himself as he grabbed the basketball that rolled to him after he threw a shot towards the basket. Jihoon sighed annoyed from the sideline.

“I came here to talk, not to be insulted, hyung.”

“Sorry,” Seungcheol smiled as he pulled the towel from around his neck to wipe the sweat that was dripping from his forehead. He walked over to Jihoon and hummed. “You know, it’s just surprising. We really thought you weren’t into liking people. Which is fine, we still love you--”

“Oh my gosh,” Jihoon groaned as he lean his left cheek on the palm of his hand as Seungcheol laughed. “You guys are impossible--”

“Well, for your information, Lee Jihoon,” Seungcheol began as he poked Jihoon’s forehead and watched as he lost his balance for a second, “this is the first time you’ve ever said you had feelings for someone. You know almost everyone in our friend group has liked you at one point or another.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious! You just never felt anything towards us This is seriously new, especially to me.”

“You and me both.”

“So Soonyoung?”

“Yes, him-- Do I have to announce it to the fucking world?”

“Chill,” Seungcheol hummed as he rubbed Jihoon’s back. “How’s that sleep schedule of yours? Is it back to normal?”

“Define ‘normal.’”

“Sleeping as much as a koala, I mean.”

“I’ve only been getting around four to six hours a night.”

It was dead quiet for a second. “That’s concerning. Wow, all this because you’ve developed feelings?”

“I guess my body is freaking out as much as I am,” Jihoon shrugged. “I... I guess I’m still in denial too...”

“You should at least admit you feel something with Soonyoung. Does he make your heart rush when you see him? Do your hands get sweaty when you walk with him? Does your face feel warm when you see him smiling at you or when you see how happy he is?”

“All of the above.”

“Well shit, Jihoon, I think you really like him.”

 

-

 

“Hey, Hoon,” Soonyoung snapped in front of Jihoon’s face to gain his attention. Jihoon shook out of his thoughts and blinked, seeing a grinning angel in front of him. “Are you okay? Ah, did you not get enough sleep last night?”

Jihoon coughed as he adjusted himself in his chair and looked back down at his notes, grabbing his pencil and continuing as usual. “I-- got what I usually got.”

“Well, that’s good,” Soonyoung hummed as he went back to his notes as well. “Wouldn’t want you to ruin your internal clock now.” Jihoon paused for a moment and looked up at Soonyoung after he said those words. “I’ve been asking Jisoo hyung how you’ve been sleeping lately and he said you aren’t sleeping as much.”

“Why?”

“I should be asking you that, silly.”

“No, why are you asking Hyung about my sleeping habits?” Jihoon mumbled to himself how Soonyoung was acting like Josh when he first started obsessing over his sleeping schedule.”

“Because I’m worried and I care about you.”

Just like Seungcheol had said earlier, Jihoon felt his heart race at the sound of Soonyoung’s kind words. He hasn’t really felt this adrenaline since the first time he had a deadline for one of his compositions when he was a first year. He quickly put his pencil down, wiping his hands on his sweats as he realized how they were getting sweaty and a bit shaky from Soonyoung as well. He quickly put his hands on his cheeks to cover them once he felt them warm up.

 

He could no longer lie to himself. He felt something, he wasn’t sure exactly what it was, but he felt something with Soonyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized it's been a really really (really) long time since I've updated this fic but I really hope to touch upon it and maybe even complete it soon. So thank you for being patient with me ; v ;


End file.
